Your Identity is in Jesus
I think I’ve had a midlife crisis in the in the last two decades of my life. In my mid 20s I felt like I had achieved everything. I graduated college. I had a master’s degree. I bought my own condo. I got a salary paid job that I was going to do for the rest of my life. I had made it in the grown up world! Go me! Yet, I was driving to work, taking the same route I did every Monday through Friday, waiting at the red light thinking, “Is this it? I go to this job every day for the rest of my life? Then what?” I started to panic. This was really it? I remember thinking, “What have I done?!” Like, did I just get myself into a trap? There had to be more, but what was it? I’m always a girl with a plan so I decided I’m gonna be the cool teacher. The Ms. Honey’s of the world. And change lives. (And now I keep thinking of McDreamy saying, “It’s a great day to save lives.”) That would be my thing, my meaning in life—the cool, fun teacher that all the kids liked and the grown ups wished they could be like. That’s how I would be known. Unfortunately for me, there was already a cool teacher. Bummer. That plan quickly went down the tubes. So I just tried to be like that one teacher. But it was really hard—being someone else. And the job was really hard too. Neither worked out. That’s kinda the short version of how it all went down. Years and years later, upon much reflection on why I struggled so much with teaching, I realized one reason was that I wanted the accolades of being a beloved teacher but when you’re a grown up, you don’t always get awards or praise for a job well done. So how was I supposed to know if I was awesome or not? You don’t. When you’re value and identity is dependent on other people, it will always be a chase. That was a hard realization. Now after much self reflection and therapy and knowing Jesus, I know who I am and I am worthy without being well liked and getting praise from everyone.
Then my 30s came. The early 30s were questionable. I was, and still am, a stay at home mom and I am now in my later 30s. So this wasn’t that long ago. But during my early thirties years, I felt an itch to do something more. I rolled my eyes at “just” being a stay at home mom. Once, my husband asked, “What if that is it? Just staying at home with the kids?” I just stared at him. That can’t be... But maybe? I felt a desire to do something while staying home but I didn’t know what it was. I was really into minimalism so I thought I would be known for being a minimalist mommy blogger. Turns out I love pretty things and I was in constant conflict with trying to fit the stereotype of a minimalist but loving to thrift, antiques, and living in a place where I can’t survive with just one jacket. Long story short, I did it again. I was seeking my identify in things, being like other people, and trying to fit into labels. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what was the “other” thing I was supposed to be doing alongside being a stay at home mom. I was confused in who I was because I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Here’s the thing… the “thing” you do cannot be your identity and I had to unlearn that.
It honestly annoyed me when I’d hear “your identity is in Christ”. I’d think, “yeah, yeah, yeah… kinda lame but ok.” Another story for another day but I associated that thought with having to go into ministry. And I didn’t want to do that. I think I was intertwining my purpose/how to use my skills with my identity which made it so confusing. They’re two different things. Anyways, continuing onward. ⬇️
I started listening to tons of podcasts and services on finding your identity. I listened and read anything I could get my hands on. Until one day it just dropped into my head. I was standing in my hallway and it just clicked. My identity was truly in Christ. And I was able to accept it as the most logical thing I’d ever heard. 😂
So let me tell you why your identity in Christ is the only thing that makes sense!
Your creator is the only one who can tell you who you are
My best analogy is that of a potter. He takes the clay and designs it into a cup. His whole vision and intention was to make a beautiful cup. He markets it as a cup. He sells it as a cup. You come into his shop, look at the cup, and tell the potter it’s not a cup. It’s a bowl. The potter says no it’s not because he purposefully made it into a cup. You can’t argue with the potter because you aren’t the one that made it. You can’t change the intention of the potter.
And just like the potter designing his cup, God is our designer. He is the creator of all things and he made us so he gets to say who and what we are. We cannot change God’s intended purpose because he is the artist and the artist gets to say what it is he made. God says you are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14). He says you are made in his image (Genesis 1:27). He says you are loved (Ephesians 3:19). He says you are chosen (Ephesians 1:3-4). He says you are valuable (Matthew 10:29-31). He says you are his masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). We have to believe what he says is true because we know God doesn’t lie and he is our maker telling us who we are.
Jesus is the only thing that never changes
I put my identity in a lot of things like…
getting good grades
being captain of my soccer team
being a great soccer player
getting awards
being a teacher
motherhood
minimalism
achievements
being liked
popularity
what I look like
who I associated with
And the reason I had my mid decade crises is because I put my identity in things that didn’t last. I graduated high school so I no longer was the captain of a team. Later, I quit playing soccer altogether so my success in that was done. I no longer received awards for getting good grades. I quit teaching. Trying to be liked gave me so much anxiety. I over thought everything I said and did. Labels became a far fetched idea of perfection I just could never get to. It was a constant rollercoaster of highs and lows trying to find the thing that would remain constant. People, things, and circumstances change. But you know what never ever changes?
Jesus.
He is always true to his word. He fulfills his promises. He is the only constant you can depend on. He is the only thing that can last beyond life on this earth. Putting your identity in things that will eventually end, whether it be decades or months from now, will lead to an identity crisis.
You will eventually end your job and retire.
Your kids will move out at some point.
Your interests will change.
Your friends will come and go.
Then what?
Change is part of life. But if you don’t want to be devastated when life changes, then you’re identity needs to be in something that will stand the test of time and never change. That, my friends, is Jesus.
Jesus is the only thing that stands the test of time
If you want an identity that will stand the test of time no matter what situation you are in, no matter who your friends are throughout life, no matter where the world takes you, then you need to put it in the one thing that is eternal, God. Why are we letting people tell us what we are? People change their minds all the time. People can be unreliable. People cannot defeat death. People cannot give us eternal life. God will not contradict himself. He doesn’t love you one day and hate you the next. He has loved you from the beginning of time. He came down and made himself in the likeness of man and died on the cross for us. Then he rose again. Know anyone that can do that? In him is life, forever. How cool is that?
It is so hard to not seek the approval of people and to not place my identity in the things that are right in front of me. I have to remind myself often who the bible says I am because it is deeply rooted in me to want to put my identity in awards, people pleasing, and labels. The biggest part is I have to believe what the bible says is true or else I’ll likely be in shambles again. It’s really difficult to unlearn behaviors and it’s super easy to fall right back into them. I don’t want to go back to that confusing place again so I have to work really hard at it. It’s takes a mental toll but it’s better than the alternative.
If you are wrestling with figuring out who you are or what you’re doing in life, know that you are not alone. I’ve clearly been there. In an episode on Candace Cameron Bure’s podcast with Priscilla Shirer, she recommended reading Ephesians 1 because it tells you who you are in Christ. I did that and circled all the words that tell me who I am in Christ. I encourage you to do the same. :)
If you are reading this I pray the Lord bless you and keep you, may He shine is face upon you and be gracious to you, may He turn his face towards you and give you peace.
