I Did the Scary Thing. I Cut My Hair.
I’ve had my fair share of bad haircuts. When I was in kindergarten, my mom let me get a perm. When I was in high school, my dad took me to his fancy hair dresser. I wanted side swept bangs. They were really popular in the 2000s. She cut them straight across to nubbins. I have a small forehead. It was a terrible look. I was so embarrassed. I think I cried. When I was a young adult, I decided to cut my hair short. To the collar bone. I taught third grade and would get confused as one of my students.
It’s true. One time the fire department came to our school to hand out free winter coats to the students. I walked my class down to the cafeteria and waited in line. Once it was our turn, the firefighter man asked each of my students their size and he handed them a brand new jacket. Then he looked right at me and said, “What size do you need?” and I said, “Uh, I’m the teacher.” He said, “Oh sorry, I thought you were one of the students.” My team teacher overheard and we had a good laugh. We still laugh about it to this day. “Remember that time they thought you were a kid?!” Ha ha.
It had to have been the hair. It made me look even younger.
After that, I swore off cutting my hair short and every other bad haircut I ever had. I would never, ever cut bangs... Or get a perm. Although, I wouldn’t mind a nice beach wave. My hair is rather straight.
Long hair became my trademark. I would always have long hair. Add in some slight face framing and subtle layers. That was my look. If a girl could have everything, I wish I had volume. Volume and beach waves. When I flip my hair, whoosh, I want a big wave of hair that sits nicely on top of my head. Oh well, you can’t have everything in life. I came to accept I wasn’t going to have voluminous hair or beach waves.
Then this one day happened, like six months ago. My hair appointment was months out. My hairdresser has grown quite popular at the old folks home. She’s hard to get into these days. I have to schedule when I think I’ll need a hair appointment. And yes, I get my haircut at the old folks home. I’ve had the same woman cut my hair since I was 16 years old. I will follow her anywhere. Thankfully she said she still has a good 15 years left in her. I don’t know what I’ll do in 15 years.
Anyways, back to that one day six months ago. My hair had grown super long and everything was grown out, layers, face framing, everything. I was sitting on the couch looking up long hair haircuts. I wanted to do something different. But nothing spoke to me. Can’t do bangs. And you can’t count on me to style my hair everyday. So there goes the popular butterfly haircut.
Then I got this bright idea. I should cut my hair short! Oo yeah, that’s fun! I googled short haircuts and I was in love! And I was in instant turmoil. I vowed never to cut my hair short again. I was going back on my promise. It stirred up all kinds of emotions I forgot I had about my hair.
Here’s what I learned while I was roiling on the inside, deciding if I should go short or go home. Let’s call it Before Haircut (BH).
Before Haircut
Fear
What if it looked bad? Do you know how long it would take me to grow my hair out again? (cue exaggeration) Probably my entire life .
People Pleasing
I messaged like 5 people to confirm whether or not my inspo pictures were cute and more importantly, if the haircut would look cute on me. I reverted back to my old ways of thinking. Whenever I wanted to buy something I liked that I thought others might think is weird, I would confirm it’s cute factor with like ten people. I finally stopped doing that until, apparently, I wanted to cut my hair.
Worry
I mulled it over for too long. I gave it way too much brain power. To some people, it’s just hair. Whatever! But to me it was my world changing. Will I be pretty without my long hair? I know what you might be thinking, “It’s about what’s on the inside.” True. But sometimes when a girl has a bad hair day, it lives on. Can I handle a bad hair day, everyday, until it’s back to how it was?
For many girls out there, hair is everything. It was for me. It becomes your identity and makes you think that without that hair, you’re ugly. Everyone else will think so too. The hair doesn’t lie. When you go to the store, you know the store checker outer lady is looking at your hair. And of course, you happen to run into the hot guy with your crappy hair. So you’ll start to think he probably isn’t into you because of the hair.
Duh! Those scenarios are not true. It’s all lies. And you know where lies come from? The enemy. The devil. But it’s the thought process of an insecure, maybe vain young lady who just wants nice hair.
So I knew what I had to do. I had to cut my hair. When I’m afraid, it’s usually a sign that I need to do the scary thing. I couldn’t wait another month for my hair appointment. My hair was desperate. My husband offered to cut my hair. Okay! He said he would cut it “conservatively”. That’s a straight quote. He said, “In case things go south.” It was supposed to be cut around the collar bone but he forgot that wet hair shrinks. It wasn’t a conservative haircut anymore. It was a full blown transformation.
I was obsessed with my new haircut. It was short. It was light. I didn’t think I was ugly. I felt instant relief. I actually thought, “This is my vibe!” It felt more me than the long hair. I was scared for nothing.
So here’s what I learned After Haircut (AH).
After Haircut
Freedom
I literally thought I was the cutest thing on the planet. I didn’t care if anyone liked it or not. I was in love.
Peace
I was finally detached from my hair. I honestly don’t care anymore whether it’s long or short or what kind of hair day I’m having.
Happiness
I finally have some volume!
I didn’t realize BH how much pressure I was putting on my hair. Poor hair! That I was holding a lot of my self worth and value into having long hair. When I had a bad long hair day I noticed I would find more bad things to say about myself, “You have dark circles under your eyes.” “Your skin is pale.” When I had a good long hair day, it would be the opposite. I’d find nice things to say to myself, “Dang girl, your skin looks nice.”
I can’t let my hair dictate my life anymore!
AH I am a new woman. I didn’t realize what God was doing until hindsight. It always works like that for me. I can look back and say, “Okay God, I see what you did there.”
In case you were wondering, I still kept my hair appointment. I had her cut it even shorter! Above the shoulders ladies! I’m never going back to long hair again! Just kidding. I need to stop saying that. My life has become all the nevers I said I wouldn’t do. It’s so absolute and life just ain’t like that. You know what I mean?
In summary, I know hair can mean the world. It’s scary to change your existence or try something new. I’ve experienced the freedom that comes with doing the scary thing. The internal freedom is worth doing the scary thing. DO THE SCARY THING! You’ll realize it wasn’t so scary AND you are capable of way more than you thought. Even if it only starts with a haircut.
My next scary thing? I think learning to fly an airplane.
